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Chapter 2
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Sparks
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Chapter 2

go, on, discuss Big Grin Toungue


06-17-2007 11:21 PM
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geyter
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RE: Chapter 2

Phoenix is walking with his horsie through the forest.
We see him arriving at a small town.
Walks up to the gate and sees a wanted sign hanging there.
One of the signs is a picture of himself, and it claims he has 'valuable state information' available and is 'wanted by the highest echelons of goverment'.
Just as he is looking at it a football crashes into the gate next to him and a young boy, a little older than him runs up. Collects the ball and sees the poster. He stares at our kids face for a short while.
A guard comes up, and before the guard can look at the poster the new kid jumps next to phoenix and introduces him as his cousin from out of town. He quickly steers him into town and takes him to his house.
Here he reveals he is the son of a lance champion who is wanted by the government and has joined GC years ago, that's why he helped him. He claims to be expertly trained and on his way to being the greatest lancer (or spearman or bowman or axeman, i forgot wich one he actually was) in the world. And shows him the brokendown spear he uses, it's an heirloom from his great grandfather.
Our kid tells him his name is ... , but since he is wanted Piere suggests he should change his name. He calls himself Phoenix.
They sleep in the house together, because Piere's mom is dead and dad is missing there is no problem. In the morning they talk about what can be done, and Piere tells the story of what GC actually is. Phoenix gets captivated and asks how to join. Piere tells of an academy where the top 10% if the students automatically join the GC.
Phoenix asks how he should get there, and tells about the scrolls and gold found on the horse. Piere explains the magic system involved, and how to use the scrolls. (could be chapter 3 by now, this is getting a bit long) So Ph descides to sell the horse and whatever else required to get him some guides and translators to get into the country and to the academy. He recruits them in the local bar after being thorougly ripped off for selling the horse.
When they cross the border, the guides descide to rob him and return to their country since this won't be a crime if they do it across the border. Ph is freaked and remembers Talon, he runs fast and ducks. But he can hear sound coming from across the way. He thinks about training with his grandfather and remembers the sword he found among the scrolls. He summons the sword and summons up his courage.
When he reaches the clearing he sees a spearwielder with blood covering him (Piere who followed because he wants to help, has no one left anymore, and join the academy himself). He attacks without thinking. We can see both kids thinking "he goes left, i do this, a fake, a riposte, blade downward, legs up, ..." The theories get far too much and they show their inexperience, by starting to stumble and getting confused during the fight. "I should go left, no it's a fake, right!, no it's a double, i... go... euh i ... don't ... what..." then at the same time they both descide: "down (Ph)/Up (Piere)". We see ph sliding under and piere doing a body drop above.
The next scene is a wide out shot of both of them lying on the road. In a 69 position.
Then we draw them as funny manga people shouting at each other "child molester" "i'm a kid too!" "you were the agressor" "talk for yourself 'receiver'" "spit spit" "piere technique: double spitbomb return!"...
Eventually they settle down, and descide to go each their own path. (actually they never go farther than 3 meters from each other) And vow to defeat each other in the academy!
they walk away toghether (but apart) in the last scene, while still commenting on each other...

I thought this would be a fun way to start a rivalry, and a deep friendship.
It's funny because they are still kids...
We show a bit of the piere/guides fight just to point out that the guides were very very bad fighters. (a 12 year old can beat them...)
i just woke up so i'm not that funny yet. i'll edit it later.
we could use it as a recurring joke. on graduation ph gets drunk and tells the story to the loudmouth of the unit (i'm guessing the axe guy) who from then on always calls piere 69'er and they always get in fights because of that (funny background fights, not real ones)

A little too overboard? :D

06-17-2007 11:53 PM
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Karuru
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RE: Chapter 2

*-* jebus crisps ... wall of writing xD

you'll have to lay it out like you did with the first plot you sent me.
i have a short attention span :P

But from all that i've read nice imagery =) i can get a lil feel of how it would look.


+'...Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep believing, the dream that you wish will come true...'+

This post was last modified: 06-17-2007 11:56 PM by Karuru.

06-17-2007 11:54 PM
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Arctic
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RE: Chapter 2

I was thinking Piere be older, like 19ish (something like lancer from fate stay night)

and cut out the 69 part lmao

Also, instead of a football, just make it a regular ball.


Otherwise, it sounds great.




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06-18-2007 01:45 AM
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geyter
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RE: Chapter 2

Well, if Ph is 11 then Piere can be 13-14. so post-timeskip the ages would work.

No 69? c'mon... funny...

06-18-2007 01:57 AM
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Sparks
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RE: Chapter 2

Make Piere the cool, calm and street wise one, with loads of connections.


06-18-2007 02:00 AM
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CrazyBleachFan
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RE: Chapter 2

Yeah the 69 position might be a little too much lol. Looks good, but should we separate it into 2 chapters. End the second chapter with him meeting Piere and then do the rest. It looks like it is going to quite a lengthy chapter.





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Remember the chapter! Naruto 363...The worst chapter ever written.
06-18-2007 02:09 AM
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geyter
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RE: Chapter 2

Oh c'mon. Naruto and Sasuke kissed!
We can have one of the do the traditional crawling crying manga pose saying "goodbye my youthful innocense"... (ahaha, i love that pose)

Don't be bashfull, you know you want it to happen!

06-18-2007 04:03 AM
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Arctic
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RE: Chapter 2

no thanks, it'd seem too much like a rip of naruto o_O




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06-18-2007 04:09 AM
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Greg
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RE: Chapter 2

And I think that this is going to be monthly, right? So chapters are long.


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06-18-2007 04:10 AM
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